omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
