I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
