he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
