just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
