Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
