My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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