last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
