My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
