I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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