I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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