no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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