I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
