Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
