hell yes lets make some ravioli
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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