After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
