I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
