she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I love you. Go after that dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
