my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
