I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize