Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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