My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
