and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
