I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
