the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wear drunk well.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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