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dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
