I have demons in me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
