He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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