I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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