I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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