it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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