I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
