Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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