also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
