I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
