That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
