apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
