My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
