this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
