fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
