WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
