1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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