so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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