He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
