please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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