nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
