Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
