My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
