I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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