I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
