so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
