just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
