Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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