when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
