My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
