I bet he comes in French.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she peed on how many people?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
