he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize