my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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