Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
