did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
