Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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