party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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