just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i've created a new STD.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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