Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
