i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
