i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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