He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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