I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
