shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
