eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
