my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
