you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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