hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
