I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
