Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
