Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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