Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
