You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
