Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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