i already hear my dad disowning me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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