i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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