glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
