okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
