Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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